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Extras - Why Does Love Always Hurt?

“When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving oneself, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.” Oscar Wilde

Love always hurts us, because in our world, love is based on the needs of the ego. Whether we are aware of it or not, our love always comes with the calculation: “Is it worthwhile for me or not?” Even when one is so head over heels that one literally “gives one’s life away” for the beloved, the underlying calculation is still ego-based. This is because the ego constitutes our entire nature, and we can never transcend it on the level of this world—not even for those we love the most.

For instance, take the most “altruistic” kind of love in our world—the love that a mother feels for her child. When taking a closer look, it’s obvious that this love is closely related to the mother’s self interest, since she loves only her own child, and will never feel the same way toward the neighbor’s child. And it’s the same among spouses, relatives, friends, or even the whole world—our relationships are all based on “What’s in it for me?”

Yet, when we’re looking for love, we really do wish to find love that’s pure and unconditional. But since this is beyond our nature, love always ends up hurting us.

However, if we start looking beyond our nature, we will discover that there is such a thing as true love—and Kabbalists can show us how to find our way there. The wisdom of Kabbalah directs us towards this unconditional kind of love—love from another world. If one wants to feel true love for another, one must see the other person as one’s partner on their mutual journey to a higher, whole and eternal purpose. Then one will see that partner as higher, whole and eternal.

In other words, it takes a true, eternal purpose to create a true, eternal love.